Connectedness

"Connections," 2014. Photo: Vinster 

We are all connected.

And I don't think I really considered this until I got to a school that's big enough where I don't know everyone, but small enough for me to "discover" my connections with others. Lately I've been meeting awesome people that make me wonder where they have been my four years at Creighton. Turns out most of my friends knew these "new" people. It just took a while for our circles to finally connect.

I think it's hard to realize how we are all connected. It's hard to think of someone from Evanston, Illinois meeting someone from Duarte, California. Or it's hard to think of Nebraska as not just a corn-o-copia but a living environment teeming with people living their lives.

Because in reality, we are all connected. The products we buy come from Vietnam and China. The steak you just ate may have been from a Nebraskan cow. The Harry Potter (HP) computer I am typing on has parts from all over the Muggle world.

Being connected inherently means that we are responsible for each other. The actions we take affect people we may never meet in potentially life changing ways. And I think if we begin taking stock of just how reliant we are on our personal connections with our friends and family, than we will begin to be more aware of our connections with our world as a whole. I used to give blood because it got me out of class. Now though, I think I am beginning to realize how much I owe to humankind. If I were born a couple years earlier, my vision and asthma would have no doubt resulted in a much more difficult life for me. I owe it to the generations of human thinking exercises, technological wizardry, and lucky apple droppings that figured out asthma medication and corrective lenses. And hopefully my three pints of blood goes back to paying back that debt in some way.

 So how have you been affected by connections both near and far? And what do you plan to do with those connections?

Leaping in Faith

It's hard to trust in our decisions.

Second-guessing, contingency plans, and questions of "what if" can threaten the result of a choice.

I had the hardest time trusting my decision to drop pre-med. I had come into college ready to do the biggest, baddest, and toughest pre-whatever path. And it took me a while to realize that vocations require desire, a need, and ability. My reasoning for pre-med was wrong and after a while, I realized that I did not have the desire to become a doctor (I just had a desire to challenge myself). So I decided to drop pre-med.

But doubts began creeping up and rooting me in place. I looked ahead at the uncertain future of not having post-graduation plans. I looked at my friends brimming with ambition and glitzy plans of becoming doctors. I wondered if I were truly reaching my potential.

And these doubts continued until I experienced a sign that confirmed how wrong medicine was for me. Physical Chemistry woke me up to the harsh reality that I had limitations. I realized that I could try as hard as I possibly could, and still learn only about 40-50% of the material expected of me. I aimed to pass. And I was so proud when I ended up with a C+. I knew that I could not do med school if I had to face years of courses with difficulty on par with Physical Chemistry.

So I trusted my decision to drop pre-med. Slowly but surely, I opened myself to life, the people around me, and the eventual calling to be a teacher.

For you see, my doubts had blindfolded me to wander in a haze. I was unable to move forward or move backwards. I was unable to learn from exploring my decision. Trust, on the other hand, let me jump into a vast unknown that was ripe of learning experiences. Without my obsession with being pre-med, I could look with new eyes, find my calling to be a teacher, and leap into answering that call.

So trust yourself and leap in faith.


PS: the original post got deleted so I had to rewrite this frustratingly from memory. Hope you enjoy this post (it counts as two)!

Why I Dressed in Green on St. Pattys

St. Patty's day is a day of gold, four leaf clovers, green, rainbows, drinking, and CONFORMITY ORIGINATING IN PINCHING.

I mean I am not even Irish but I caught myself bedecking myself in green this morning. I barely know any of the traditions that go into the holiday. And I didn't do anything to celebrate the day. But like clockwork, I put on a green shirt and green pants anyways. I even asked people where their own green was!

Nothing is wrong with St. Patty's day. It's a pretty cool holiday of fun and color. But I don't really celebrate the holiday. SO WHY AM I WEARING GREEN?

I spent the whole day trying to justify why I was wearing so much green on St. Patty's day. And here's what I came up with:

I've been wearing green because of my elementary school days where everyone wore green. Those that didn't wear green were pinched. And I also didn't want to have to explain to EVERYONE where my green was.

Ughh. And even with this revelation, a million pots of gold says that I wear green again next year.

It still absolutely astounds me how much of my behavior originates from my 'formative' years. And while I have mostly revisited, questioned, and ultimately embraced certain values I learned as a child, there are still some quirks that have passed through my self-discovery quests. I mean until just recently, I had always buttoned the bottom button of my suit jacket because of how I wore suits as a child. And I don't think my Dad ever told me otherwise. So in the last couple of years, I have walked into a multitude of interviews with my bottom button fastened. Somehow I know the best location to fasten a tie clip (between the third and fourth button: you're welcome!), but I don't know how to wear a suit jacket?

It just goes to show that we are constantly learning and relearning things in our lives.

Happy St. Patrick's Day
Sincerely
Vinster

Far Far Away Land

Sometimes it's hard to be present if barriers like distance separate you.

Being present in face to face interactions is already hard enough with things like the psych paper due soon, the upcoming game, the horribly cold weather, the pressures of a demanding job, a buzzing text message, and the grumblings of a vacant stomach taking up mind CPU and making it difficult to be fully with the person you're with. However difficult it is though, I believe that being as present as possible to others reveals authenticity, care, thought, and actions that can build up relationships.

So what happens when you throw in a barrier like distance? How is it possible to be present if you're not physically there?

Here's where 'being as present as possible' comes in. While the result might not be ideal, the attempt to put authentic feelings, thoughts, and words through whatever form of text, Google Hangout (way better than Skype by the way), snapchat, or Facebook post will hopefully continue to build up the relationship. And if this attempt is communicated from time to time, even all those emoticons and exclamation points will begin to have genuine meaning :).

How do you be present to those far away?

Waffling

I am absolutely blown away by the amount of choice I have in my day.

Whether that be choosing between ribs or some meatless option (I've decided to begin reducing my meat intake considering how bad raising livestock is for the environment, but more on that later), what shirt to wear, Jacob or Edward (jk!), or what friends to hang out with, the amount of opportunities I have is staggering. My decision process typically involves a couple quick seconds of instinct and gut reaction. But what about those big decisions?

Well lately I've had a big decision to make lately (where to go to graduate school). And this one is a doozy because both opportunities are good. I've struggled dealing without a clear choice. And I've struggled with trying to decide between my pros and cons list and the tugboat riding my wave of feelings.

Amidst all this WAFFLING though, I feel myself losing sight of how #blessed I am. While decisions may be hard, I think it's pretty amazing that we encounter regularly chances and experiences that require commitment, excitement, and yesses. And looking back at all the 50/50 coin flips, gut reactions, and thought-out blueprints, it's truly marvelous how I've gotten to met the people I've been touched by and ultimately grown into the person I am. 

So what choices have truly affected you? And what decisions are you currently WAFFLING on?

Old Man Vinster

You know what really forces a 21 year old to look at his vulnerability and frailty?

Meeting younger people.

I toured a high school today and I literally felt desks, chairs, lockers, and doors were smaller. All the students running around looked soooo young. They looked fresh, enthusiastic, and energetic about learning from 8-3! I can barely get out of bed at 11 nowadays! Everyone also kept staring as I had stared when some old stranger had walked into my high school.

OLD MAN VINSTER

Gosh how am I going to feel when I am 30. AHHHHHHHH

Walking Advertisements

"My Nexus 4," 2014. Photo: Vinster

I love my Nexus 4 smartphone. 

It was the first big purchase I had made by myself with money I had saved up from my various jobs. I had done research on this phone for months until the phone finally had a price drop. Even then I tortured myself with the Clash of should I buy or should I go. Finally I gave in and forked over 275ish dollars to the almighty omnipotent Google.

When the phone came in, I was ECSTATIC. I admired the smooth glass finish, vowing to never ever ever ever drop it. I carefully charged up the battery and turned it on. My eyes were met with a vivid display and a bunch of icons leading to apps about who knows what. OH NO. I'VE NEVER OWNED A SMART PHONE BEFORE. WHERE ARE THE BUTTONS? HOW DO I CONTROL Z!?!?!??!?!

Consequently I delved into the Android system. I looked up forums. I looked up tips. I looked up lists and reviews. I trashed half my apps and then reinstalled them again when I realized I needed them. I personalized my Nexus 4 with themes, calendars, colors, and app icons. I turned off features to squeeze every last volt of power from the phone's battery. And when I was finally done three feverish days later, I emerged from my solitary pilgrimage to Android heaven and began spreading the good news to my friends.

I became a Walking Advertisement for Google and Android.

Google and Android could do nothing wrong in my book. I had paid money, put in the study time, and had become an aficionado of all things Android. Even though the quality of my life had increased to the mere level of being able to check my email while walking to class, taking selfies while waiting for the elevator, checking facebook the brief moments away from my ALREADY PORTABLE LAPTOP, I talked about my phone like it was the greatest thing that had happened in the history of humankind. I was the passionate owner of one of the last Nexus 4's made.

I believe that passion is grasped in the similar way that I fell in love with my Nexus 4. Passion requires time, effort, and resources in an attempt to understand, know, fully enjoy, and ultimately Become a Walking Advertisement for our subject of passion. And whether it be a relationship, a hobby, an organization, or a sports team, I believe that having more passions in our world will ultimately lead to new and exciting things. It will at least, lead to impassioned conversations as my Nexused-out friends can attest to.

Desk Recommendations: Magic Man

Every once in a while, A Solitary Desk will share some particularly engaging music/movie/tv show.

Today's recommendation is the band Magic Man! Their EP was released sometime in fall/winter last year and features some amazing music that blends the synth-pop style of Passion Pit and Walk the Moon.

Check out their song "Waves" above and the rest of their EP while you're at it!

Best Listened to When:
1) on a road trip
2) you want a chill dance party
3) you're stuck doing boring work
4) when you need some magic in your life

A Lens for your Perspective

"Lenses and Screens," 2014. Photo: Vinster

Everyone views life through a lens.

I happen to also view life through the more conventional lens of glass and whatever plasticy thing contact lens are made of. Being almost legally blind, I have the privilege of having both glasses and contact lens to help me see. And while both are prescribed by my optometrist to give me 20-20 vision, I find that the vision I experience when I wear glasses is quite different from the vision I experience when I wear contacts.

Glasses give a narrower field of vision. My peripheral vision is marked by frames that signal the beginning of a haze of blurred figures and washed out profiles. With contacts, I can see more of the world but often encounter a distortion from the tears my eyes produce to get rid of the foreign plasticky invader. NO EYES. THATS NOT A DUST PARTICLE. THAT'S HELPING ME SEE SO DEAL WITH IT!

So even though my glasses and contacts give me 20-20 vision, my experience of my world changes based on whether I am wearing heated sand or plastic on my eyes. So what is truly real? How do I know that the person I like is as beautiful as I see? How do I know that the friends I laugh with aren't hiding an inner pain? How do I know that there aren't ghosts peering over my shoulder right now?

I don't really have good answers to these questions, but I believe them to be largely irrelevant. I believe though that everyone views life through a lens. What I see and deem as beautiful may not be beautiful to another. A joke that I see as funny may not be seen as funny by another. A solitary desk may look normal to me but may look haunted to another.

So what do we do with the infinite number of lenses and viewpoints we encounter in our daily lives? I think if we begin to acknowledge each other's filters and remove our own lenses, we can discover some amazing things in common we have with each other. I believe we will find beauty in beautiful things and pain in painful things. Any differences that come up can be used as accents that further deepen and clarify our pictures of the world.

Everyone views life through a lens. But that shouldn't stop us from sharing our world with each other.